MOSCOW HARRISBURG (July 5) — In a troublesome twist by the problematic potables policemen, a PLCB spokesperson contacted CF directly this afternoon to notify us that the mysterious disappearance of an agency press release boasting of Big Brother’s booze bucks bonanza on both on their Web site and PR Newswire was due to a need to “tweak” some of the language. The reason for the tweak? The PLCB couldn’t quite brag about being the skinniest kid at commie fat camp!
“The PLCB’s four-percent sales growth puts the LCB at the top of its peer group. The National Alcohol Beverage Control Association, NABCA, – which represents the nation’s 19 alcohol-control states – reports that the average sales growth over the last year for those states stood at three-percent. Stapleton was named director of the NABCA earlier this year.”
“The PLCB’s four-percent sales growth outpaced the average three-percent growth of alcohol-control states nationally, making the PLCB one of the top performers among the nation’s 19 control jurisdictions. Stapleton was named director of the National Alcohol Beverage Control Association, NABCA, earlier this year.”
Apparently the beleaguered booze bosses couldn’t quite brag they were the best in America at enforcing an un-American policy that robs Pennsylvanian adults of making their own choices and turns its citizens to bootlegging and breathalyzers just to consume a legal commodity.
But until the commander of cordials, Chairman Wow, condemns the Iron Cabernet Curtain, keep holding onto the dream of freedom and Pennsylvania’s Liquor Independence Day – and by all means, stay thirsty, my comrades.