Glasnost Gov’t Gives Tipsy Tip Line

The PLCB, purveyors of Pennsylvania perestroika and Big Brother boosters, are at it again today, this time revealing a tipsy tip line for tattletales exposing ethics encroachments.

“PLCB employees work diligently to recognize and prevent the potential for fraud and abuse within our stores and central office operations, however, like any organization, we are not immune,” said Chairman Patrick “PJ” Stapleton.  “Establishing a reporting tip line sends a strong message that even one case of potential abuse is one too many, and will not be tolerated.”

You mean like when 20 workers, including managers, were recently fired for widespread “financial irregularities”?

This sounds like double-secret probation for the languishing liquor lampoon that most recently gave us reason to believe privatization was near when a spokeswoman said, “The board is looking to bring exactly what customers are saying they want – convenience.”

Callers to the new “toll-free tip line” can remain anonymous while speaking with a taxpayer funded government worker from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.  The PLCB says they will thoroughly investigate each and every tip and, should the PLCB recover a loss as the result of a tip, the person(s) reporting it may be eligible for a reward.

Pssst, hey commissar – I know where you can save about $450 million a year.  Shhhhhh, don’t tell anyone I told you, but send the check over here, I’ll buy the first round.  Until that day, stay thirsty, my comrades!