The Most Important Election of Our Time

What happens when there is a tie for election? Run off? Coin Flip? Supreme Court case? Duel to the death? Rock Paper Scissors?

In the case of the Wormleysburg Assessors race, it will come down to a simple drawing from a hat. It turns out that with a singe write-in vote, I have matched the candidate(s) of the establishment, and will be in the lottery (see letter here).

I don’t really know what the position entails, but here are the really important questions: Does it come with Dick Willey’s pension? Will I be able to use taxpayer money to buy 19 vacuum cleaners for my several houses, a la Vince Fumo? Can I hire my son, a cousin, two sisters, the son of my godmother, the son of a county party chairman, and the son of a Congressman like Turnpike Chief Joe Brimmeier? Can I hand out $1.8 million in bonuses to staffers, who may or may not be assisting in my reelection campaign?