From the "You Just Can't Make This Stuff Up File," we bring you word the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board has declared an emergency today. That's right, I said it, an emergency.
As Pennsylvanians brace for the exigency, sadly, it's not because the agency is waking to the reality that nearly eight decades of depriving taxpayers and consumers of personal and economic freedoms must cease. The calamity? Unknown, but apparently they desperately need recently resigned Rector of Rum Joe Conti to the rescue with taxpayers picking up the tab!
According to a Philadelphia Inquirer report this morning, Conti is coming back "under a provision in the state retirement code that permits former employees to return on an emergency basis while still collecting pensions." Returning Feb. 19 for up to 95 days, at $80.16 an hour, Conti could earn about $57,000 for his reign of error.
So while the ink still dries on a baffling weekend news release citing his resignation, the question for reporters this morning must be this: What's the emergency?
Until we get the answer from the cryptic Kings of Cabernet, stay thirsty my comrades.